Many hats

A few years ago I discovered that I still have perfect smoothie-pouring form. I know which way to grab the handle, how to tap tap tap it in just the right way so you get all the last drips out but don't need to bother with a spatula. I remember the ratios of fruits to liquids, and what texture, say, yogurt gives the drink versus a scoop of peanut butter. Maybe most importantly - I know how to make a smoothie taste like a white gummi bear.

Some people are interested in what you're the best at. "What are you an expert in?" and "What could you teach a class on?" were the ice-breaker topics at a class I just recently attended.

But I'd like to know about all those other skills we've picked up along the way. Far more interesting to me than the accountant's day job are her perfect sushi-rolling skills. And would we love that pastor as much if we didn't know how excited he got with a ping pong paddle in his hand?

I was sixteen when I started my very first job earning $6.75 an hour at Jamba Juice, slinging smoothies, washing a million blenders, cutting wheatgrass with a serrated knife that was like a tiny white-handled machete. I liked it so much that I worked at three Jamba Juice stores in two different cities over the next four years.

Sure, I had to pay my minimum-wage dues like anyone else. There were kids who were lazy and made me make the tedious wheatgrass shots and fresh-squeezed OJs while they made the super easy smoothies. I went home sweaty with sour fruit stuck to the tops and bottoms of my shoes. I had to clean toilets. And I never got promoted. But holy moly, I learned how to make a killer smoothie, with that perfect icy texture that can be sipped easily through a straw but doesn't melt too quickly.

I have been at home full-time with my kids for more than eight years. I've been offered many interviews and even a few jobs while I've been at home full-time, and it has never been the right time, and I'm endlessly grateful to have had the choice to turn them down and stay with my kids full-time. I'm still not sure when is the right time, but I wonder if you are ever really sure about anything as a parent.

Like most stay-at-home parents, I ride the roller coaster of emotions about that role. There is deep satisfaction and gratefulness to be there for all the memories, the firsts, the drippy popsicles, the long conversations about Disney movies and imaginary friends. I am their best friend. Who could ask for more?

Then I have a free second to myself and can't remember what I even like to do anymore on my own. Did I still have my own interests? Talents? Dreams? And the elusive satisfaction of a completed job especially gets to me (how can you truly rest when diapers and dishes and laundry never end?) I have become an expert on what poop should look like and what foods are choking hazards - should I teach a class on that?

Sometimes it helps me to think about some of my other facets of my life/personality/skills for a second. Have you ever thought about all the jobs you've had? Not just career ones - I mean the high school minimum-wage gigs, those summer stints, the in-betweeners that don't make it to our LinkedIn profile because they have nothing at all to do with anything we want to define ourselves as but they paid the bills for a few months and taught us something unique. Nobody else has a story exactly like yours.

Here are some from my story:

• Caterer: The money was tempting but the schedule was brutal. It didn't last long.
• Housekeeper: Changing beds, scrubbing toilets, folding towels, vacuuming endless rooms and cabins in Estes Park, Colorado. I will never look at a hotel comforter the same again.
• Writing tutor: Help NCAA athletes on scholarship not fail out of school and also maybe learn how to write a thesis.
• Admin assistant at a fancy investment company in L.A.: Get paid an exorbitant amount of money to pick up lunch and Starbucks orders for employees, and open the mail (since apparently no one could be bothered to open their own).
• Environmental nonprofit intern: Took the bus to get there and saw lots of interesting people. My work helped advance the ban on plastic bags that is now in effect in the state of California.
• Ski resort desk worker: A horror story involving office politics and a troubled supervisor where many employees quit or left crying. I stuck out the season so I could keep my ski pass and never went back.
• Office manager at a church: Got to use my administrative skills to the fullest, have amazing conversations with people all day about real life and be deeply involved in caring for a lot of hurting, broken people.

There is something about thinking over all the jobs I've held in my lifetime that reminds me of all the lessons I've learned the hard way, and the crazy and awesome and mean and weird people I've interacted with who shaped me into who I am now. It reminds me that my kids are going to have an enormous number of influences in their lives to shape them into who they will be as adults. It reminds me that we are all full of rich and interesting and heartbreaking stories, and in some way that makes us alike and on the same team.

I might not ever be totally ready to go back to work but I rest a little easier when I remember that I am a full person outside my (very important) domestic life. 

And I still make really good smoothies.